Smoking Costs Deborah Her Job
10/17/07 - Well, it's October 17. Yesterday was my oldest baby's 22nd birthday and I never called her. I had a very bad day and I'm sure she is mad at me, well maybe. I cannot lift over 10 pounds and was told at work that I cannot work if I have restrictions. She said, "You'll have to take leave. I can't have you in here with restrictions." So now on top of all, I no longer have a job.
Now I get to worry about lung cancer, bone cancer, dying, insurance, my mortgage, electricity, food, oh, and bill collectors. But I guess I get an extended vacation, though I'll be bored out of my mind within a week. I am a tiny bit upset right now so I'm going to finish this later.
10/18/07 - So I have no job now. That's all I can think about since the other day. I can't sleep and when I do I wake myself up grinding my teeth, and they are so sore now. I've always been a money worrier. Now I am so worried, it's awful. There's nothing like being so sick and knowing you are going to die eventually, although sooner than most.
I know, everyone dies. But there's a difference in knowing your going to someday die and knowing you have cancer and ARE going to die and probably soon, and worrying about that, being sick, in pain and on top of all of that you can't work. And if you can't work, you can't pay your bills. It isn't fair to Ariana, my youngest. She shouldn't have to suffer on my account. It isn't fair and I should at least, if anything, be comfortable in the knowledge that everything will be ok and not having to worry whether my house will be taken because I can't work.
And all because I smoked.
Deb
Above is the latest diary entry of Deborah, who is 38 with stage IV lung cancer. Her full story is available at
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Deborah.html.It's my hope that Deborah's many sufferings will help motivate others to act now, and that other tobacco control sites might consider hosting, linking to, or somehow sharing her nightmare, as it didn't need to be.
John